its mid way through my frst sem back in university. i thought that maybe i should reflect and consider some of the things that have made its way into my life, changed the decisions i made now and then.
right now as i type this, i have a backlog of assignments and group work piling up, and im slowly clearing them off one by one. :p
sunig season has come and gone.
what i thought i had, i had none.
i learnt lots from jiao lian, teaching philosphies, relearning my basics, attitude towards sports, etc.
im going to be a teacher, yet im still being taught and thats the beauty in it.
this beginning phase of my PGDE life outside of curriculum was really choppy.
as i took up netball again, it changed everything.
i no longer climb as much as i can, i pushed hard and didnt get answers all the time.
i warmed up and trained but i never got a chance to play.
ohh... the number of times my heart sank and broke into a million pieces.
it took something from me, trying to maintain a strong front, fighting and fighting to find nothing.
i do get reassurances once in awhile. and it does feel good sometimes.
but i am no longer who i used to be.
the busy competition period came and went.
and i must say my attitude was horrible.
i didnt train at all, yet expected everything.
my bouldermania podium was a lucky shot, but it all fell crumbing during rockmaster.
juggling netball and climbing was not how it used to be.
commitment was heavy, and somethings had to be sacrifice, and climbing was it.
RM was poorly prepared, my mental strength dropped with each unsuccessful attempt.
my power and strength dropped.
all i could do was do every sport, at half performance.
not getting into the finals was a wake up call.
as i sat there watching the finals night, beating myself up inside,
i knew i had to make a change somehow.
and somehow meant soon because SIM was next week.
SIM was the time when i got my act together mentally.
i daresay i had the intention to crush every single route during qualifiers, and i qfy 2nd after fel.
finals only showed how much i lacked in strength and power, something which i took for granted given the new competition standards.
this final boulder season for the year really shook my mentality as an open women after 3 years.
im glad it came and happened this way.
right now, i have stopped netball as the commitments were taking me away from climbing.
i needed to focus on one, and i am going to japan next year for The North Face Cup.
world cup in chongqing might be a consideration too, for boulder and speed.
i know that im supposed to be strong and determined,
but i must admit here and now how my heart saddens at giving netball up again.
for jiao lian has mentioned he will want to use me on court, and we have test series matches with nus this few weeks in which i can then prove my worth.
but i have given my word to myself and others, and i will continue to train hard to climb.
this sacrifice will not be for nothing.
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i completed my first very trail-running competition recently!
and it was fantastic, despite nursing a back injury and not being able to give my all.
i completed my 15km route in 1 hour 47 mins.
although 15 was beyond what i limited myself to, trail seems different from city runs..
i hope to join more soon! :)
