really

i feel this need to type somethings out. something recent thats currently been crossing my mind these few days. maybe its because of the holidays. haha. but yea, somehow things have a way of coming together.

i dont know how to say this, but at this point in time, i wonder to myself how likely and possible is it to be so blessed. i just won a boulder comp which i didnt train physically for (another story on this later), im beginning to settle down into my job and begun to accept it, when.. im being offered a chance at something that i could possibly so desire and change what i had settled for myself. im not sure if its an escape route or simply something im blessed to have. but for the past few weeks i have grappled with the idea of not continuing in this line and really just stop working and travelling. of course situations are as such and a filial daughter must never do that.

but here i am now, with 2 seemingly perfect conditions. people would indeed say that im blessed and i truly was delighted and almost dumbfounded to know that somehow it has found its way to me after half a year? haha. i am happy, pleased, excited and all the above. but there are so many things to consider. outdoors to indoors? could i really want that? its not to say i dont love and enjoy teaching. i dont know how to put this.. but this decision and dilemma i face is really tricky. yet why did i feel like my heart was lifted when i heard the news? i convince myself that i can always come back to teach again if i dont like it...

and so i've prayed and still am looking for a right decision. i dont know, i truly dont. i may not even get it at best and will just have to settle with what i have. trying to seperate and jot down the plus and minuses. its not working. :p my heart is biased but my brain says otherwise. people will say that being a pe teacher is the best job you can have if you wanna get involved in sports. this on the other hand, is almost the opposite, more work, less play. still sports, but somehow a little more less contact and almost office-y! hmm.. we'll just see how things go alright. yea.