beginning to feel like a part of something.



not sure if i'll be wanted back again. :p
theres been up and downs, and i guess ive more or less accepted what this job is all about.
im not ready to take on NIE in terms of lesson planning and real classroom situations.
i belong out there.. (field vs classroom)

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watching your students run during cross country and coming in the first few positions can be really overwhelming. haha.
im such a noob at this teacher shit.
but im awesomely proud of them, even my girls.

trainings are kicking in full swing, im coaching on mon tues wed fri.
with absolutely no time to watch the vj climbers.
just putting my heart and soul into netball right now.
the team is not formed, and we just have no luck in player retention.
my seniors are under performing, and the competition is in may. i.e. NO TIME! :p
despite all that, i find myself praying hard all the time and imagining the day we win our first match.
i pray that the girls will play a good game and one that everyone tries their best.

being a coach is not easy, especially when you were a competitor once.
its way way easier to play the game because it comes so naturally versus breaking down and teaching every single step.
the slow transition of planning trainings and forming a team really requires alot of placing yourself in anothers shoes.
to know whether the techniques i teach are correct, sometimes i myself have to try it out in front of them to know.
to know whether the intensity is too high, sometimes i have to run with them to feel what theyfeel.
if not theres never a sure way to do a certain drill or exercise without knowing the fitness and physical capabilities of the girls.
not easy, not easy at all.

hi everyone,

my bike has been zhng-ed! haha. finally got to getting a new wheelset albeit a little early..
hope the metallic blue and purple stays on.
changed my hubs too, so im doing fixed now. trying not to use the brakes so that my rims remain clean! :)
next would be to get a new crankset, with lesser teeth. so that i wont get left behind everytime i need to chiong up a hill. :p haha.
but i love the feeling of riding a fixie. just that theres alot of work on the legs... but hopefully this can translate to awesome power runs in the future! haha.

makes me really proud to own my bike. haha. like, finally huh.



passed on my original wheelset to daddy. but hes gotta change some of the bolts to fit the classic mountain bike we have at home. so its gonna be a hybrid.
maybe bring him to ride with the group one day! haha.

its a once in a week thing now. not as intensive and obsessive as climbing when it was almost every day. haha.
that said, i went to climb today, and somehow, i feel great.
in the sense that ive got no pressure to finish a route like how i always thought i should.
that i can do certain things despite climbing every 5 day or even a week.
this wonderful sense of freedom, i like.
i used to think that i would die if i didnt climb.. but now.. i can live without it now and then.
does that mean that i have a life now? hahaha.

i dont know what can make me want to climb like i used to last time.
feels sad.

maybe i need a trip soon. :p

this comp feels different from the others.
ive told people around me that i didnt really feel prepared to join it either,
until a week before..

went for the expert climbing session with tonde and florian and it totally change my perspective.
still, i havent been doing fingerboard, or pullups and even do much climbing during the week like what i usually did.
i would have felt stressed and a little desperate towards the comp back then, but this time, i kinda took it as it came.
i didnt need to climb more than i already need to.
but i guess i was prepared mentally? and felt stronger up there for once. haha.

despite getting 2nd again and losing out by attempts to bonus,
i feel pretty satisfied.
i sort of maintained.. and sort of got my groove back. yea. :)
although im pretty tired and am taking a break from climbing for at least a week? haha.
somehow, it feels even better to take part in a comp not feeling competitive and loving the climb.
of course during finals and all, i still had to have a focused mind and concentrate on my climbs like normal competitions.. haha.
this time, i daresay i won because of my mental strength, not so on my physical. :)
ive come a long way i guess.

i feel this need to type somethings out. something recent thats currently been crossing my mind these few days. maybe its because of the holidays. haha. but yea, somehow things have a way of coming together.

i dont know how to say this, but at this point in time, i wonder to myself how likely and possible is it to be so blessed. i just won a boulder comp which i didnt train physically for (another story on this later), im beginning to settle down into my job and begun to accept it, when.. im being offered a chance at something that i could possibly so desire and change what i had settled for myself. im not sure if its an escape route or simply something im blessed to have. but for the past few weeks i have grappled with the idea of not continuing in this line and really just stop working and travelling. of course situations are as such and a filial daughter must never do that.

but here i am now, with 2 seemingly perfect conditions. people would indeed say that im blessed and i truly was delighted and almost dumbfounded to know that somehow it has found its way to me after half a year? haha. i am happy, pleased, excited and all the above. but there are so many things to consider. outdoors to indoors? could i really want that? its not to say i dont love and enjoy teaching. i dont know how to put this.. but this decision and dilemma i face is really tricky. yet why did i feel like my heart was lifted when i heard the news? i convince myself that i can always come back to teach again if i dont like it...

and so i've prayed and still am looking for a right decision. i dont know, i truly dont. i may not even get it at best and will just have to settle with what i have. trying to seperate and jot down the plus and minuses. its not working. :p my heart is biased but my brain says otherwise. people will say that being a pe teacher is the best job you can have if you wanna get involved in sports. this on the other hand, is almost the opposite, more work, less play. still sports, but somehow a little more less contact and almost office-y! hmm.. we'll just see how things go alright. yea.